I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
