that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
