so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
