Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
