Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
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I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
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new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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