I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
