You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
