...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
