Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
