I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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