New low: just hacked my moms facebook
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Semen is not good for contacts.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
