she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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