i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
accomplished twins. life is a go
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
