Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
