Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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