Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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