"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
