You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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