Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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