I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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