Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
