It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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