So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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