Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
