There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
