Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
