You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
