I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
