I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
