That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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