i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
