I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
