You're a womanizer and a bitch.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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