Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
