but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
