my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
