he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
