just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
