and you said cock pushups were impossible
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
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i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
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Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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