I cannot find my penis.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
