I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
