I accidentally had phone sex last night
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
