I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
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He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
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Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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