I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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