Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
