Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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