Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
