My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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