So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
