If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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