I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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