Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
