well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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