I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
