I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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