Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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