why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
