ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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