i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
