Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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