the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
