I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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