We need to rekindle our bromance
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
