cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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