WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
