Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
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i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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