He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
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She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
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I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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