apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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