Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
