this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
