Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
