Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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