I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
