Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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