thus making me awesome and them whores
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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