I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
