I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
