At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I love having hate sex.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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